You can't be FAT and wear a bikini!
It all begins with an idea.
SYKE! I am totally kidding. Look girlfriend, if you want to wear a bikini then you pick one up and put it on your body!
When I was a kid I was fat. I never had a bikini. My mom made disapproving looks every time I put my one piece on. I realize now that she looked at me and judged me because of her own BS in her head. No one cared what I wore. But, I was a reflection of her then and she had to make sure her little nugget wasn't getting made fun of. The idea of me wearing a bikini seemed impossible to little Ashley.
Flash forward to 5 years ago. I put on my very first bikini from Lane Bryant and it all changed for me! That was a wrap! I am hooked on bikinis because I love my body. I may have gained a few from Quarantine but the fat that I wished I could cut off with scissors as a child has been replaced in my head as the thighs that don't quit.
My cellulite which I used to hate is replaced with adorable dimples.
My goal in life is to be strong and the only way to accomplish that is to work out. I cycle 3 days a week and walk 3 days a week. This is not only to keep my body strong but also to give me highs in the week. I want those endorphins So I work out.
But the point is I am not waiting for a quote un quote perfect body to be able to then think it's appropriate for me to wear a bikini. We live in the now. The body you have right now needs to be loved and if you don't do that you will end up sabotaging and binging even more. I have been there and still struggle with it. A lot of us do. But, that's a whole 'nother blog post.
You are magical and so is your body.
Be strong
Celebrate yourself and love your body. Everyday. At every pound and in every day.
Lots of Love,
Ashley
Productive Habits for Gratitude
It all begins with an idea.
✨Today is a day to be grateful.✨
We all have personal challenges that stop us from growing......but the one thing that can help us grown is out gratitude for our life. It’s scientifically proven that expressing gratitude brings more to be grateful for to you. ⭐️
I know you’re thinking “Duh Ashley. So what. 2020 sucks. What’s the point.? I’m single and lonely and will never meet anyone. Plus, There’s racism, a pandemic and a shift in the world. People can’t get a fair shot at life. How can I be grateful? What’s the point?”
Well, I have been thinking a lot about all those things and I’ll tell ya what. It’s makes my nerves frazzled. My depression deep and my anxiety vast. It makes me skittish and hate everyone one second then pray for a friend in the next breath.
I don’t have the answers to fix the world. Because it’s not in my control. But what is in my control is how I see the world. How I handle my emotions and who I surround myself with. It all starts with you. So take care of yourself. Love yourself. Nourish yourself.
I’ll tell what always puts me in a better mood. Taking inventory of my blessing. Counting my joys and blessings makes me appreciate them more and makes the neurons in my brain go into a different state. It literally puts you in a better mood. Don’t believe me?
Try. Write down
I am grateful for....
3 times.
But really think of what you are grateful for. What blessings are in your life?
Let me know in the comments.
You are capable of all the joys you want in life. You just have to believe it so you can manifest it. I believe in you. You can do it.
My 5 Fav Self Help Books.
I love self-help books! I am so passionate about self-discovery because I grew up a fat kid who was constantly being told I would never make it in this world as a performer. I was too fat, ugly and not interesting enough. As a child, those words created the foundation of my self-esteem. I spent my teens and twenties thinking that if I was attractive enough or funny enough I could get people to like me. Well, that turned out to be true but at the price of constantly people pleasing everyone that I knew. Does this sound like you... I see you.
Well, by the time I was in my thirties I was like fuck that noise (in my head)... I can do anything I want. I was just too afraid to make it happen because I let all the fear in my brain make choices in my life. I let fear stop me from trusting myself. After a string of unhealthy relationships and friendships, I decided to examine who I am and what I want. I started taking classes that would help me obtain my goals. I have committed my life to grow and evolve into the women my inner child would be proud of. Here are the top 5 self help books that have changed my life!
The Alchemist
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho is a magical story of Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd boy who yearns to travel in search
of a worldly treasure as extravagant as any ever found.
The story of the treasures Santiago finds along the way teaches us, as only a few stories can, about the essential wisdom of listening to our hearts, learning to read the omens strewn along life's path, and, above all, following our dreams. This is a novel but was the first book I ever ready that helped me in my life. Hence, self help book. The year was 2008 and I was unhappy in my life and this book helped me put it all in perspective. The next year I quit my secure job as a retail recruiter and manager to devote all my efforts to acting. I picked up a job waiting tables and began to go on auditions and booked more work in 2 years than I had the previous 8 years before combined.
The Secret
The Secret by Rhonda Byrne changed the scape for mainstream self help books. Well, atleast it did to me. The idea that you could ask for what you want and it would come to you seemed like cheating at life. The belief of the law of attraction, which claims that thoughts can change a person's life directly. This one changed my life when I read it in 2010! This is when I first started writing down gratitudes which help me bring more joys my way but also keep me accountable for expressing joy for the blessings in my life.
The Artists Way
The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path To Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron is there to help people with artistic creative recovery, which teaches techniques and exercises to assist people in gaining self-confidence in harnessing their creative talents and skills. This book is sooooo hard to complete. I have been doing it for 3 years. Someday I will finish it. Start your 3 year journey today!!!
You are a Badass
You are a Badass is the fucking best!!! This is my jam! I listen to it on audible because I love the author Jen Sincero so much! She cuts through the crap with a meat cleaver in You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life. I put her on when I am having a bad day.
Inner bonding is the process of connecting our adult thoughts with our instinctual, gut feelings -- the feelings of the "inner child" -- so that we can minimize painful conflict within ourselves. ...
Inner Bonding
This one was a referral from my friend Alanis Morissette (and by friend I mean she has been with me the past 25 years with her music so I call her my friend) The book by Erika Chopich and Margaret Paul show how Inner bonding is the process of connecting our adult thoughts with our instinctual, gut feelings -- the feelings of the "inner child" -- so that we can minimize painful conflict within ourselves.... This is also on Audible and I highly recommend getting it because it was recorded as a lecture so you feel like you are with Margaret and she is there to help you and your inner child develop wholeness.
What are the benefits of friends?
It all begins with an idea.
The isolation is real Y’all!
Do you get text like this…. “Hey, how are you doing?”, does this question give you anxiety. How can I possibly tell you in less that 6oo words how I am feeling. Does this feel farmiliar? Well, it sure does for me. I have noticed now that some of my friendships feel so impersonal because of text. I hate texting! I hate hate hate it!
We are creatures who need connection in order to thrive and feel like we are a part of the the world. If this feels true for you I recommend doing something that no one does anymore. Use your cell phone to call people. WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASHLEY! I know this seems crazy but it really helps. Friendships can have a major impact on your health and well-being, but it's not always easy to build or maintain friendships. Understand the importance of friendships in your life and what you can do to develop and nurture friendships.
What are the benefits of friendships?
Good friends are essential for your health! Friends can help you celebrate the ups and provide support during downs. They prevent loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also:
Increase your sense of belonging and purpose in this wild and crazy world
Boost your happiness and reduce your stress
Decreases levels of the stress hormone…cortisol
Improve your self-confidence and self-worth
Help you cope with the traumas in life like breakups, illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
Friends also play a significant role in promoting your overall health. People with a strong social support have a reduced risk of a boat load of significant health problems, including depression, high blood pressure and an unhealthy body mass index (BMI). I bring up the BMI because when I hide form the world I soothe myself in other ways at that typically involves a bag of Cheetos and pint of Vegan Ben and Jerry’s Caramel Brittle. Studies have even found that older adults with a rich social life are likely to live longer than their peers with fewer connections. #themoreyouknow
But WHY is it so hard to make friends or maintain friendships?
Cause life is hard and as we get older we find it harder to develop new friendships or keep up existing friendships. Friendships may take a back seat to other priorities, such as work or relationships or caring for children or aging parents. You and your friends may have grown apart due to changes in your lives or interests. Or maybe you've moved to a new community and haven't yet found a way to meet people.
Developing and maintaining good friendships takes effort. The enjoyment and comfort friendship can provide, however, makes the investment double.
How many friends do I actually need?
Well, give me quality over quantity any day of the week! While it's good to cultivate a diverse network of friends and acquaintances, you also want to nurture a few truly close friends who will be there for you through thick and thin.
How the heck do I meet new people?
It's possible that you've overlooked potential friends who are already in your social network. Think through people you've interacted with — even very casually — who made a positive impression.
You may find potential friends among people with whom:
You've worked or taken classes
You've been friends in the past, but have since lost touch
You've enjoyed chatting with at social gatherings
You can try:
Attend online community events. Look for groups or clubs that gather around an interest or hobby you share. Do a Google search using terms such as [your city] + social network, or [your neighborhood] + meet-ups.
Volunteer. Offer your time or talents at a hospital, place of worship, museum, community center, charitable group or other organization. You can form strong connections when you work with people who have mutual interests.
Extend and accept invitations. Invite a friend to join you for coffee or lunch. When you're invited to a social gathering, say yes. Contact someone who recently invited you to an activity and return the favor.
Take up a new interest. Take a college or community education course to meet people who have similar interests.
Join a faith community. Take advantage of special activities and get-to-know-you events for new members.
Take a walk. Grab your mask and get out of the house. Stay 6 feet but talking to strangers in a public setting if you feel comfortable can be some of the best conversations you will ever have.
Above all, stay positive. You may not become friends with everyone you meet, but maintaining a friendly attitude and demeanor can help you improve the relationships in your life and sow the seeds of friendship with new acquaintances.
Can I really make friends on social media?
Sure, you can totally find like minded individuals to chat with and communities to help you make or maintain connections and relieve the loneliness of the world. However, research suggests that use of social networking sites doesn't necessarily translate to a larger offline network or closer offline relationships with network members. In addition, remember to exercise caution when sharing personal information or arranging an activity with someone you've only met online.
How can I nurture my friendships?
Developing and maintaining healthy friendships involves give-and-take. Sometimes you're the one giving support, and other times you're on the receiving end. Letting friends know you care about them and appreciate them can help strengthen your bond. It's as important for you to be a good friend as it is to surround yourself with good friends.
To nurture your friendships:
Be kind. This most-basic behavior, emphasized during childhood, remains the core of successful, adult relationships. Think of friendship as an emotional bank account. Every act of kindness and every expression of gratitude are deposits into this account, while criticism and negativity draw down the account.
Listen up. Ask what's going on in your friends' lives. Let the other person know you are paying close attention through eye contact, body language and occasional brief comments such as, "That sounds fun." When friends share details of hard times or difficult experiences, be empathetic, but don't give advice unless your friends ask for it.
Open up. Build intimacy with your friends by opening up about yourself. Being willing to disclose personal experiences and concerns shows that your friend holds a special place in your life, and deepens your connection.
Show that you can be trusted. Being responsible, reliable and dependable is key to forming strong friendships. Keep your engagements and arrive on time. Follow through on commitments you've made to your friends. When your friends share confidential information, keep it private.
Make yourself available. Building a close friendship takes time — together. Make an effort to see new friends regularly, and to check in with them in between meet-ups. You may feel awkward the first few times you talk on the phone or get together, but this feeling is likely to pass as you get more comfortable with each other.
Manage them nerves with mindfulness. Using mindfulness exercises can reshape your thinking. That’s legit and real! Each time you imagine the worst, pay attention to how often the embarrassing situations you're afraid of actually take place. You may notice that the scenarios you fear usually don't happen. So, don’t give the negativity your energy!
When embarrassing situations do happen, remind yourself that your feelings will pass, and you can handle them until they do.
Yoga and other mind-body relaxation practices also may reduce anxiety and help you face situations that make you feel nervous.
Remember, it's never too late to build new friendships or reconnect with old ones. Investing time in making friends and strengthening your friendships can pay off in better health and a brighter outlook for years to come.